Hello folks! It’s been another angry day for me, oh yeah! It’s so stupid isn’t it! I have NOTHING to complain about, I’m living my dream life and I have a wonderful husband, a nice apartment, I do what I love for a living and I’m enjoying life. It will soon be gone this horrible anger! I promise.

I did cardio this morning. Darn was it hard! I don’t “just do it”, i cannot, because I refuse to do those meaningless 45 minutes cardio sessions twice a day at a nice comfortable level where one can read a boring magazine to make time fly less like with cut wings. Nope, my workouts are like “run for your life” or ” cannot get more oxygen down to my lungs, come on INHALE supersuperINHALE!!!!” it’s watching the clock go down second by second, just one more little second and keep pushing, it’s huffing and puffin and finding a spot anywhere where I can focus on, it’s cannot drink, will lose the momentum, it’s just 3 more minutes, no can do, yes can do, want to do a personal best, just raise the little heart rate one more beat, come on, one more calorie to burn and you’re a WINNER!!!!!!!!!

And I slide down the machine and feel oh boy, aint gonna be better than this and the sweat is pouring down. Cannot walk, cannot talk. The protein shake is waiting for me. Oh those BCAAs,,,,

training good today. felt totally not wanting, but that’s how it is right now: no motivation. No motivation however does not mean I won’t do the work. work needs to be done. I will never rely on motivation. Too risky.